Holy Cricket

On our street there are just the two houses, ours and our neighbours.

As far as neighbours go they are really terrific. We have no complaints at all. Not like at our first house where the guy on the right walked his cat on a lead umpteen times daily or the blokes on our left gave us reason to believe they were most likely drug dealers. (Not that we're judgmental at all.)

A year ago our current neighbour also became our Bishop. Initially I slightly panicked. Living your lives in such close proximity to your Bishop really helps motivate you to get kick started on the road to perfection I have found.

We soon realised we were not under scrutiny at all and after the worlds worst tantrum we found out that although their house was really close they couldn't even hear the shrillest of toddler screams. I also came to the realisation back in April that they must not hear me either on my worst parenting days when I have been known to raise my voice on occasion because I got called to be the Primary President at church. Hooray for soundproofing I guess.

At times we have had a closer relationship with our Bishop than anyone probably ever should. Like for instance the hot summer day that I was sitting on the loo to pee with the bathroom window open and I happened to sneeze, then following my sneeze I heard the words 'Bless you Carol'. Seriously? That is closer than anyone needs to be to their religious leader right? (I'm sure he'd be mortified to know I was actually in the process of urination at the time, almost as mortified as I am to admit it).

Our boys have a great fondness for Bishop and his wife Judith and their three older sons and frequently stop them given any opportunity for inane conversation about the random contents of the three year old brain. They are really great sports and we appreciate their patience and kindness no end.

Yesterday I could hear Thomas chattering away to Bishop so after a while I went outside to say Hi and make sure he wasn't being unnecessarily bothered. As I stepped out I saw Thomas swinging his yellow cricket bat all around no doubt injuring himself or his brother was inevitable.

Bishop said he needed a word with me and then with a big smile recounted how Thomas had just confessed that I hit him with the cricket bat.

There are times when your neighbour being your Bishop has it's disadvantages it turns out after all.

The truth is I have never hit Thomas (or Eli for that matter) with a cricket bat, plastic or otherwise.

Well I hadn't but maybe I will now!

I Confess.....

I hate to admit it but I honestly don't think all babies are cute.

I really don't.

I especially do not think that most newborn babies are cute.

Either I don't see what other people are seeing when they look upon an infant or else other people are simply telling lies.

I actually think that lots of babies make ET look actually rather cute.

I have said to people 'oh what a cute baby' and really meant 'Heck, your gene pool just played a terribly cruel trick on you, that is an incredibly ugly baby'

I am not proud of myself. (Honestly!)

I've heard people say every mother thinks her own babies are beautiful.

Not me.

When I first saw Thomas I desperately wanted him to be cute.

My first thoughts?
'OH NO his eyebrows and hairline merge'

Should I have been allowed to bring him home from the hospital or reproduce further?

Probably not!

But I was and I have. The latter being just as hairy as the former.

What More Can I Tell You?

BookMomma over at Hot Wheel Hacienda tagged me to do this Meme, apparently I haven't shared enough of my personal business lately so here I am bearing my soul yet again.

1. What is your favourite quotable line from a movie?

I love It's a Wonderful Life.
I adore when Clarence tells George:

'Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends'.

2. Who is the most famous person you've talked to?
Just kidding.

But a girl can wish right?

I hadn't realised until now that I have pitifully never rubbed shoulders with anyone exciting.

I need to get out more clearly.

3. How many bags of potato chips (crisps) are consumed at your house per month?

Far too many, darn delicious fried crispy potato's, how we all love you in the Siswick House.

4. What foreign dish do you prepare from scratch and serve?

Do Lasagne and Risotto really count?

I do love me some coconut chicken curry too but Rob isn't so keen so it is a rarity.

5. What is your favourite section of the supermarket?

Our local supermarket recently installed those delightful self checkouts and that is now my absolute favourite part of the supermarket ever. There is something truly satisfying about making all of your purchases go beep, beep before you pay for them. I fear there is an unfulfilled checkout girl screaming to escape within me.

6. What was your high school's team mascot and colours?

Sadly we don't indulge in either tradition here in England. It is a sad sad place.

But fortunately we do have High School Musical to give us an insight into what it is really truly like.

The Best Invention Ever

I know what you're thinking how could I ever possibly single out one individual invention and give it the high acclaim of being the best invention ever?

It's true I'll admit there are a gazillion and one inventions that have improved my life immeasurably and if I have to endure another old lady at church telling me the tale of how easy life is these days for us mothers because back in her day there were no washing machines and they had to wash their clothes laboriously by hand and blah, blah, blah and so on I swear I think I will honestly spontaneously combust.

Yes I get it. I do. Life was immensely harder a generation or two ago but in those days they didn't have to contend with kids high on sugar or who knows what else that is contained in every item my child actually wants to eat without putting up a fight that has them bouncing off the walls from time to time.

Old ladies my life is hard too! Yes I have indoor plumbing and 3 televisions (2 of which we have lost the remotes for, now that is true hardship) in my house. But even these blessings come with their own disadvantages. Cleaning up pee residue left by boys and having to endure Max & Ruby is no walk in the park either I'll have you know.

Anyhow back to the point. Best invention ever?

Seriously....

Baby Wipes.

Now I had been considering this post for a while and then for 6 days our hot water boiler was broken and on day 1 I almost convinced myself that hot water totally eclipses baby wipes at the top of my best ever invention list.

For 6 long days we were showerless (unless we wanted to risk hypothermia) I had actually been sick so I hadn't showered for a day or two before that. I'm disgusting, I know! We had to resort to icy cold washes and washing my hair in the cold shower bent over double. It was so cold I had to come up with the ingenious idea of using my shampoo and conditioner simultaneously (apply shampoo get the bubbles bubbling then add a generous slathering of conditioner on top of the bubbles then rinse but do not repeat as needed in case you're wondering). It may not have been the best care for my hair by far but it vastly reduced my scalps exposure to the icy cold water spray.

My head is currently still thawing thanks for asking.

You know what got me through our hot water famine?

Baby wipes.

I for sure was never gonna expose my body to a subzero showering experience and baby wipes saved the day. They and they alone made me acceptable to be out in public.

Baby wipes have entirely revolutionised my life. There is truly no end to the uses these handy wipes have. I use mine for everything and anything.

Cleaning poo? Check.
Cleaning baby vomit? Check.
Cleaning toys? Check.
Cleaning windows? Check.
Dusting? Check.
Cleaning inside of my car? (thanks Rob) Check.
Cleaning leather sofa? Check.
Cleaning laminate floor? Check.
Cleaning all surfaces? Check.
Cleaning poop art of the walls? Check.
Cleaning the bathroom? Check.
Removing my make up when I am too bone lazy to take 8 steps to the bathroom? Check.
Styling my kids hair? check.

When Thomas was smaller and had somewhat crazy hair (though perfectly tame hair in comparison to Eli) we didn't wet and brush his unruly locks we baby wiped them into place and it worked a treat, honestly!

The multipurpose nature of the baby wipe has not passed my oldest child by. Recently I was off elsewhere baby wiping something clean no doubt and on my return I saw this sitting on the sofa watching Peter Pan. On enquiring what on earth was going on he replied:

"Well my feet hurt mummy and the baby wipes are fixing them."

See, absolutely no end to their uses. Though I haven't tried them out personally for hurting feet Thomas assures me they are very effective.

Now if the old ladies wanna spin me a tale about how tough life was without baby wipes that is one I am willing to listen to over and over (without fear of spontaneous combustion) because life without my baby wipes is completely unimaginable for me.

I'm telling you Best. Invention. Ever!

Happily Reunited

Our beloved laptop finally returned to our homestead on Thursday morning. The virus completely removed, well actually virtually everything removed but still we were happy to have her back nonetheless.

For 4 days we were completely Internet free. It was almost like losing an arm. But not nearly so dramatic.

I was forced to find new sources of entertainment, time wasting and procrastinating the ironing.

Fortunately for me our loss of laptop coincided beautifully with the Olympics.

I dedicated many an hour to cheering on team GB and was thrilled to witness our greatest number of medals ever (yes we are generally a nation of gross underachievers), and it's not even over yet!

Roll on London 2012 (but not too quickly because I am not so excited about getting 4 years older) when we get to watch it at a reasonable time of day for once.

Without access to Google Reader I had to resort to the lowly alternative of reading an actual real book. So I found myself delving under our bed where I hoard all new books that I buy. (Does anybody else collect unread books? Just me? Righto!) Anyhow I pulled out 19 Minutes by Jodi Picoult and read and read and read and I loved it. If you love Jodi like I do you will not be disappointed I promise.

With Rob computerless he was forced to end each working day early which obviously was a huge hardship for him. So we utilised some of our time by taking the boys for way overdue haircuts. We figured it a more sensible ratio to go two on two, reducing the risk of me getting tag teamed by the toddlers. Especially after the drama last time I took Eli.

So they used to look like this

Now Eli looks like this.

We managed to get through the ordeal with relatively few tears. Though being the drama lover that he is he did cry out 'Ow-Ow' or 'Ouch' with every single snip to his precious locks. He also threw in a few whimpers of 'Daddy no hurt me!' too.

Thomas now looks like this.
Excuse the complete trance-like almost gormless state of both boys. They were fully engrossed in a critical point in an episode of Go Diego Go when I pulled out the camera. All attempts to bribe them to look into the camera by offering chocolate sadly failed.

Yes, I am that kind of mother.