Eli Takes to the Throne

With the arrival of this weeks break in the school calendar I knew very grudgingly I had to dedicate this time to one thing and one thing only.

Potty Training Eli.

Yep, the same Eli that is unpredictable, stubborn and delights in the filth of his bodily excrement.

Coupled with morning sickness that just won't bugger off I anticipated the upcoming week with very little optimism.

Well with the exact same amount of optimism I have that David Beckham will unexpectedly turn up on my doorstep and profess he should have proposed to me in 1997 and not Victoria. After all Victoria and I do have the same maiden name of Adams and we both have brown hair so it's understandable that he could easily get confused. Yes, even though we're not officially acquainted. Because lets face it he may be an Adonis to look at but he's just not very clever.

Monday arrived and Rob left for work early. I took 800 deep breaths and got on with the task in hand.

I decided on a double pronged bribery approach coupled with Gina Ford's Potty training in one week.

We have the immediate reward of if you pee in the potty you can have a single lovely skittle to enjoy each time coupled with the longer term award of if you fill up this chart with stickers every time you pee (or poo of course) when it is full you can have that super snazzy walking talking Lightnin' McQueen you've been coveting since you spied it at Tesco. (Of course I was wise and got it half price in the January sales, cha-ching!)

Day 1 there was pee on the floor but mostly pee on the potty and he was dry all night.

Day 2 there was still some pee on the floor but again mostly pee on the potty and dry all night.

Day 3, which will be known for the rest of the time as the day Eli became my favourite child there was pee only on the potty totally unprompted by me all the day long.

Hooray! So on day number 4 I'm feeling confident and may even venture out in public.

But maybe I won't because I might miss David Beckham popping by.

Because apparently miracles of such magnitude are possible.

Looking Forward

2009 is upon us.

It came upon me so unexpectedly that I completely forgot to make New Years resolutions that I would undoubtedly break at some point between now and Spring. Hey, at least I can't disappoint myself now, right? Hallelujah to that I say.

Here is a sneaky peak into what 2009 holds for us over here, try not to get too jealous.

First up: Potty Training

Why our dear Father in Heaven didn't send these little people to live with us completely toilet trained is beyond me, seriously.

It brings out all the worst parts of my character and magnifies them a gazillion-fold.

Thomas was dry both day and night by day 4 (bless his heart) but still by pee on the floor number 8, in the second hour, of morning number one, I was seriously contemplating throwing both him and myself under a passing bus. It was so tempting.

But SuperRob came to the rescue and saved the day.

Before I get ahead of myself and start imagining a glorious repeat of Gina Ford's (baby Nazi though she is) magical 'Potty training in one week' plan I should probably consider that this is Eli I am dealing with.

The child responsible for such antics as these? (Disclaimer: Not a link for the faint hearted or weak stomached).

Is freedom of bodily functions really what we want to give that little hellion?

Plus no SuperRob on hand to save the day this time.

So I'll be treating myself to some of this, you know, obviously, because I'm worth it.

But mostly because I'll no doubt be needing it, by the gallon.

The summer (a term I use loosely to refer to the months June through to August and not a specified period of delightful weather because hello we live in England and we haven't actually seen the sun for more than a few minutes at a time since 2006) will host our family summer holiday. This year we're going with my side of the family to lovely Great Yarmouth on the East coast. If it is a patch on last years Siswick gathering we're in for a real treat.

Unless of course 3 months in we're still dealing with potty training. Light of potty training fortune please shine upon me.

Our last milestone of this year comes in September when Thomas starts school full time from 8:45-3:25 every single day.

Oh how I'll mourn for the first week at the loss of my firstborn.

Which will speedily turn to total jubilation followed by the making of a chart to countdown the days to September 2010 when Eli will be joining him there full time too. Ah good times.

2009 could also be the year we add a new addition to the Siswick family, so watch this space. After all what better way to celebrate getting your house entirely baby kit free than by having another, right?

But I may have exploded from over consumption of Cadbury's creme eggs before any of the above actually occur, but come on, what a way to go!

Perspective Restored

Lately I've been constantly whining (because I like to) about potentially having to potty train Eli.

What is worse than having to potty train a two year old child who pulls poo out of his nappy?

Having to Potty train two year old quads that pull poo out of their nappies despite vigorous efforts with duct tape to stop them.

That blog is where I go when I have a bad parenting day. When I consider multiplying Eli by four for even a second I realise even my worst day with Eli is likely gonna be better than my very best day with quads.

So I will potty train Eli......but not today, or tomorrow nor probably this month. But I will do it!

An Alteration

Remember all those lovely things I said about Eli on his Birthday?

Well I want to amend something.

I said 'Can I keep him this size forever?'

What I actually should have said was 'Can I keep him this size forever but fully potty trained?'

Too frequently lately if we don't get to him the very second a poo is deposited in his nappy we are alerted to the fact not by the awful stench but by the fact he has put his hands in it and proudly come to show us his good work or my personal favourite the time he pulled his poo out of his nappy and threw it on the kitchen floor. I SO didn't sign up for this.

Clearly it is time to invest in some heavy duty tape or some other desperate measure, because I am definitely not up for giving potty training a try.

Personally I find poo on the floor preferable to potty training.

Overcoming Inhibitions

As you may recall I am not a big fan of Winter, it just doesn't appeal to me at all. But Summer? Summer I love!! I don't care about being too hot, hot is good, the hotter the better! Well after all I do live in England where hot is classified at approximately 25 centigrade/80-ish Fahrenheit. But still I vastly prefer being overheated to frozen to my inner core. I am more than willing to trade lives with anyone who is unappreciative of the toasty climate they live in.

I love Summer for the smell of just cut grass, and because everyone is so much more cheerful, (particularly me!), because you get to have picnics and BBQ's. It is just a terrific time of year. I think everyday in Heaven will be Summer. Which I'll totally appreciate considering my ticket there is assured already.

Today we went with friends to the park, inhaled freshly cut grass and devoured a picnic all while the sun (mostly) shone on us. Thomas lost all his inhibitions and manners and finally succumbed to urinating in the park. Which was a tremendous relief after our last episode and also incredibly humiliating, I mean could I be more white trash? Letting my child pee into a bush in a public park? But I'll never (fingers tightly crossed!) top my Sister in laws story, her eldest child once mounted and climbed to a top of a slide at a park only to swiftly pull his pants down and pee freely down the slide! I guess I'm at least less white trash than that!

Even more entertaining was that the kids had been playing with sticks and exploring beforehand so Eli thought Thomas' pee break a fantastic opportunity for attempting to poke a stick up his backside and then at his wilbs. I have pleasant kids, right? I just quietly hoped any passers by would assume they belonged to the two friends I was with instead. I think he enjoyed his back to nature approach a tad too much and I'm concerned now that he'll want to revel in the joys of the outside toilet wherever we go . Oh well it is at least better than peeing his pants and requires less laundry!

But best of all I love Summer because it does this.........

4 hours at the park+Picnic+2 public urinations=2 very exhausted boys

Long may the sun shine!

Oh Poo!

On Friday while Thomas was at Playgroup Eli kept saying "Poo!" I kept checking his nappy but it remained a poo-free zone. So then a light bulb went on and I thought maybe he's telling me he wants to go, (full of hope that he's gonna be one of those children that potty trains themselves as they turn two years old) so I ask and he says "Yep!" so I take him proudly to the potty whilst thinking of all the many lovely things I can buy with the extra £20 a month I'll save not having to buy nappies and baby wipes from now on. So there he sat for the next 40 minutes (yes, with his penguin which he safely placed between his knees for the duration) occasionally standing up and putting both arms in the air whilst exclaiming "Yeah!!!!" In the end I had to actually wrestle a clean nappy on him so that we could be on time to pick up Thomas. I guess the dream of him potty training himself and saving that £20 a month will just have to wait after all.

Experiencing the inevitable

I am the proud parent of a child who has been potty trained since Mid-December. I had been expecting what we experienced today, it was inevitable. But I just wish it hadn't been inevitable today. That we could have put it off another year or two.

So we were out shopping and half way round the shop I hear,

"Mummy I need Pee Pee!!!

"Can you hold it in?"

"I need Pee Pee!"

I scanned around hoping to see a toilet sign but knowing deep down inside that there would be no such thing. Also knowing that the nearest toilet was a car journey away. So I had to succumb and be one of those mothers who takes their child outside to pee in public. This is humiliating to me, but what can you do? Neither of the following options are appealing, a public pee or peeing his pants in public. So I went with the option that didn't add to my huge pile of laundry resembling the Himalayas.

So I took him outside to get it over and done with and preferably before he got his urination over and done with in his pants.

"Mum, I wanna go pee pee in there! (Pointing at the shop I just left as we head to the car)

We arrive at the car and go round the front of it so we're secluded partly by the car and against a wall.

"But Mummy this isn't a toilet!"

I try to explain that it's perfectly fine to pee in a car park when there are no toilets, even though I don't for a second believe it. I soon realise that this isn't a good opportunity to teach him to pee standing up. He looked at me like I was a lunatic. So I pick him up by the backs of his knees try to aim his hose so that neither of us get pee on us. (Much to my dismay I realise now that shoppers use the walkway between my car and the wall where we are trying to pee as a shortcut to the entrance, like that doesn't make this experience a million times more mortifying!)

"Mummy this is not a toilet!"

"I know Thomas but you need to go pee so just do it it's fine, it's ok!

"NO!"

"Ok you hold it in like a good boy and we'll go find a toilet quickly!"

So we jump in the car and head to a nearby Supermarket to use their facilities. Obviously Supermarkets are heaving on Saturday afternoons. Nowhere to park so I have to pull up at the entrance (Dukes of Hazzrd style obviously!) get my mum to take him to the toilet while I wait in the car.

Predictably he does the smallest pee ever in the history of the human race. Ironically if I had made him hold it until he could hold it no longer I bet it would've been a pee comparable to that of a giant horse or Niagara Falls.

He gets back in the car,

"Mum, I did it!"

"Good boy!"

(With disgust!) "I pee in toilet, not in car park!"

Next time I'll just avoid the major humiliation and let him pee his pants!

Now that you're 3

So Thomas has been to the doctors today (incidentally so has Eli....flaming Siswick gene pool and it's ear infections!) and got a super huge congratulations on being potty trained. I actually think the Doctor was more thrilled than I was and believe me 2 months on I am still ecstatic that my nappy changing quota has been halved. I almost feel brave enough to attempt it with Eli in the Summer but just typing that made me feel like throwing up a little bit. Just thinking about uncontrollable urination really fires up my stress levels.

Anyhow his new stats are that he is 92.6 cm tall (that's 36.5 inches for the old British folks and the Americans who can't understand the metric system even though it is far easier and all the numbers are so much tidier, I like that everything is in factors of 10). He's also 14.8 Kg, for everybody normal on the earth including myself that is 32.5 pounds I don't understand Kilograms at all but thats what we get for agreeing to be part of the European Union, clearly Kg's alone should've been reason enough to decline! Well and the French and the Germans but that's just stating the obvious!