Saturday, 9 May 2009

Pee, pee, pee, pee, all the way home.

You know we have never gotten around to teaching our boys to pee standing up.

I'd always figured that considering the bathroom is a place of zero privacy they'd kind of see their father in action and follow suit eventually.

In the mean time I was more than happy with them aiming at their target from the safety of a sitting position because they manage to somehow make enough mess that way without having free reign to spray all of the bathroom should they wish.

See, small things make me happy.

Fast forward to a walk home from school.

A walk that I have now forced Eli to endure despite his very loud protests because pushing an almost 3 year old in a pushchair up a 80 degree hill in my delicate condition is just not good for my blood pressure.

Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse.

Truth is the kid is enormous and when he walks up that hill he sleeps like an angel which is good for his health and excellent for my mental health. Win-win.

We got about one twentieth of the way home one day and Thomas informs me he needs to pee. This is a frequent conversation on the journey home and I tell him he should have gone two minutes ago at school and now he'll just have to wait until we get home.

He lingers behind sulking. Eli stays with him. After all misery does love company.

Thomas shouts 'It's OK. I'll go right here' and before I have a chance to inform him that dogs are just about the only species for whom it is acceptable to pee in the street. He has his pants half way down his little white bottom, wilbsy liberated in the front and he pees into the bushes.

Completely horrified but knowing there isn't a right lot I can do to stop him in mid stream. I say a frantic silent prayer that the good Lord will render all 3 of us completely invisible, possibly forever.

You know because there are 650 pupils in Thomas's school and ours is a popular route home.

Just when I start to convince myself that maybe I won't have to move to some remote Scottish island with just sheep for company and where nobody will have heard about the boy who pees in the street because it probably wasn't even that noticeable really. I hear another little voice announce 'Me pee too!' as Eli in his newly potty trained fervour replicates his brothers actions perfectly.

But fails to be even slightly discreet.

Needless to say we avoided the walk home for a while and I took the car instead.

If only it had blacked out windows.

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