Why Does the Yummy Stuff Always Have the Most Calories?

My mum came to visit last week, all week long. Delightful.

It turns out though sadly enough, that my mum is a really bad influence on me.

As if those hellions at Cadbury weren't making my pursuits to unearth my abs difficult enough with their yummy and delicious produce (the bars intended for my giveaway are sitting less than 2 metres away from me and screaming EAT ME!!!!! as I type), but I will NOT succumb.

Pause for essential brushing of teeth. Cheers Pammy!

Having my mum here is such a rarity that I totally and happily justified to myself that it was more important to spend time in her company than to exercise. I can exercise double the norm when she's gone I told myself. So all week I exercised just once.

I also justified eating all kinds of things I really shouldn't have because it would have been beyond antisocial to hang out with my mum and not consume 4000 calories every day.

I even only trekked to school to collect Thomas twice, terrible, considering that walking is my fallback exercise when I am slacking off. My mum recently had a bladder/bowel prolapse fixed and is still in take it easy mode so I used her recovery to justify driving to school. After all it is a huge novelty to be picked up from school by Nanny. I couldn't have deprived my child of such a novelty. That would just have been cruel.

My failure and regression dawned on me midweek and I figured I could either get my life in order right away or wait until my mum left. The glutton in me speedily decided it would be far more worthwhile to just start anew when she left.

So I even managed to squeeze in a trip to the Krispy Kreme drive through in Manchester (which my friend Becky told me about in response to my KK post) during our evening out for Rob's birthday and followed it up with a scrummy Lamb Bhuna. Perfection.

Mum is gone now (we miss you!!) and reality blows. Our house is still stocked with goodies galore from her visit but I have to turn over a new leaf and start again. I feel both tired and grumpy from lack of exercise coupled with sugar detox.

So here is to the start of the beginning and fingers crossed no more slip ups.

The Cadbury Conspiracy

I am off the wagon.

Last week I only exercised 3 times though I did do the hike to school 6 times.

Remember how I said I broke my chocolate purchasing habit?

Well it seems in these times of financial hardship Cadbury just couldn't survive without my custom.

So those bigwigs at Cadbury must have had a top secret important meeting to discuss how to entice me back.

I was out shopping recently and saw the unfamiliar wrapping so glanced to see what is was....

My first instinct was yucko!

Why ruin some perfectly delicious Cadbury chocolate (and I mean the the REALLY good British stuff not that other stuff that masquerades as Cadbury in the USA) by inserting cranberries and granola? A travesty.

But then fast forward to Friday evening and a trip to the in laws house and in response to a request from his grandson for treats my father in law (a chocolate lover/devourer) returns with an entire box of the new pretend healthy chocolate bars, as well as some others that he gave to the kids.

He offered me a bar. I was intrigued and it was free so I took it.

It would have been rude to refuse, right?

Sadly, it was delicious.

So in an attempt to maintain his own waistline he asked me to do him a favour and sent me home with 6 more bars.

Six bars that barely lasted me until Sunday lunch.

In my somewhat weak defence Cranberries are actually a super food and just think of all the good I'm doing my urinary tract.

Plus with the rate I am devouring them I am assuming I can now count cranberries as one of my five a day.

I guess every cloud really does have a silver lining.

The Great Krispy Kreme Controversy

During my visit to London on Saturday I had a little spare time for shopping. Obviously this involved buying absolutely nothing for myself but something for the kids.

I also found out that you can take the mummy away from the kids but you just can't take the kids away from the mummy. With every cry or call for a Mummy I heard I couldn't help but instinctively turn around expecting it to be one of my boys. I guess there just isn't a parenting switch we can turn off for such occasions.

But I did come to the happy realisation that there is a Selfridges in London and Selfridges just so happen to have Krispy Kreme outlets.

I love krispy Kremes. Who doesn't?

What is not to like?

100% Sugary deliciousness in every bite.

I remember fondly my first encounter with a KK. The store by Arizona Mills Mall Summer of '99. (Next year is our 10 year anniversary no less.) I almost kissed the kind employee who explained to me that every customer gets a free doughnut. I inhaled my glazed ring doughnut in oh, about 2 seconds, and was instantly hooked. No doubt I went on to eat 4 others.

Fortunately for both my ever slowing metabolism and I Krispy Kremes are far from mainstream in the UK. I sadly don't happen to live close enough to any of the locations to justify frequent doughnut purchasing trips. If I did I assure you I would, most likely daily.

So you can imagine my elation as I suddenly remembered I was in KK territory. I practically floated to the store and there before me was the most beautiful display of doughnuts ever known to man. (At this point I have been KK free for seven long, loooong years). I stood and tried to figure out in my mind how many doughnuts I could actually eat before I'd be violently ill. I decided on two but knew perfectly well I could devour ten, easily.

I took my precious purchases and sat and thoroughly enjoy every single mouthful.

Bliss!

Worth every single penny.

As I came down from the heady heights of my extreme sugar high I realised in the cold light of day that I just spent £1.35 per doughnut. That is almost $3 a pop.

I essentially just spent $6 on two doughnuts and knew my money would have gone so much further in the US. Plus to add insult to injury here in the UK there are no freebies for customers whatsoever.

So next time you're at Krispy Kremes enjoying your freebie please think of me because no doubt I subsidised it by paying an extortionate £1.35 per doughnut.

And you are welcome!

(Krispy Kremes opens in Leeds Feb '09, I envision far more frequent trips occurring!)

Sweet Nectar

The Young Women (12-17 years) at Church have been raising funds for their Summer camp. Last week they made jam.

Strawberry Jam, my absolute favourite!

I haven't shared it. Not even a tiny bit. I have even managed to keep Eli the food vacuum at bay.

Fresh and plump juicy strawberries in a sweet and sticky syrup.

Within hours of purchasing it I had happily scoffed down 7 slices of toast with lashings of butter (because really what is the point of having butter if you don't spread it on good and thick?) topped with this sweet sweet nectar.

Now this is no ordinary jam. It is THE most delicious strawberry jam ever. Which is just as well because to cover costs and make a profit it is no doubt the most extortionately priced jam I will ever buy.

It was so worth every single penny.

Though my waistband may have to agree to disagree.

Belated 4th of July

You know I can't think about the 4th of July without having a little bit of a chuckle. Without fail I recall 4th of July 2000 when I was working for EFY (Church Youth camp) and on waking at some unearthly hour I stepped out into the corridor of Stover Building on BYU campus only to fall into the deathly embrace of a truly hysterical 14 year old girl.

The source of hysteria was not immediately obvious to me. I had already learned that Summer that 14 year old girls aren't particularly easy to understand even when they are being fully rational. Considering the weeping mess in question wasn't rational in the slightest and that at 6am I am not particularly patient (or attractive) I escorted weeping mess back to her room hoping that her room mate could shed some light on the issue at hand.

At this point I was thinking either a fatality had occurred in her family or heaven forbid *NSYNC had disbanded unexpectedly. But when we got to the bottom of things it was neither of my suspected scenarios. Instead the poor girl was simply devastated because she had come to the realisation (dimwitted as it may well have been) that it was just dreadful that her delightful (my word not hers) EFY counselor should have to leave US shores at the summers end only to return to a country completely lacking in liberty.

Now I don't know whether the Utah education service (if that is what it is even called) was to blame or if the girl in question was just a lovely dimwit but I'd like to assure all the world that we are happily enjoying the fruits of liberty on this side of the Atlantic also.

Just in case you needed any clarity on that point.

So in honour of all my lovely friends in the USA I decided to give you a little peek into the reasons Rob and I would actually consider leaving our home and moving Westward.

Rob's 3 reasons (Which I have kindly chosen for him because I am a thoughtful wife like that!)

Taco Bell, on Rob's one and only trip to the states he would have happily eaten at Taco Bell on a daily basis, twice daily even. He could hardly contain his glee at his good fortune of being able to purchase 3 soft taco's for the bargain price of $1 and being able to wash it down with a gallon sized cup of Pepsi. Mexican food is sadly lacking here so even Taco Bell was like fine Mexican dining to Rob.
Root Beer, another US staple sadly lacking from our British lives. Rob recently purchased some from an import place for a pricey $1.40 per can. Criminal. He remembers fondly being able to purchase 12 cans for $3 at Walmart. That gem has frequently come up in conversation.
Rob would happily eat his body weight in these bad boys, but don't tell his dad...he's a dentist!

Carol's 3 reasons

Shaved ice. Simply Amazing. I love that you can get it in just about any flavour imaginable. It is like a pregnant woman's paradise. Peanut butter & Dill Pickle? No problem! Though I always went with the more conservative half grape, half cherry myself!
Pretzels, Pure Carbohydrate heaven. Yummo!
Corn Dogs. Genius invention. When the Siswick's hit Florida in 2005 my sister in law (who had previously lived in Dallas for 18 months) looked at me like I was the definition of white trash for stocking up on corn dogs. I know they're not classy but they are dinner on a stick and I am easily impressed.

You would imagine the prospect of paying 50% less than we pay for petrol (yet you are complaining, Tut! Tut!), or the fact that salaries in the US are higher than here and everything costs half the price would have swayed us somewhat.

But no all of our reasons for ever considering American citizenship are food and beverage related. So it's just as well we aren't ever going to seriously consider it because we'd be living on a diet of Corn Dogs, Taco Bell, Candy, Root Beer and Shaved Ice.

At least our grocery bill would be cheap.

Which is just as well because our inevitable heart bypass would no doubt be pricey!

No Self Control

My Mother in law is amazing. (I'm not saying she's perfect, she is after all a mother in law and they're supposed to be flawed, right?) Debbie is the only person I know who dedicates a whole day a week (even when she had little kids to contend with) to immaculately cleaning her house from top to bottom and actually enjoys it. Did I mention she has a sensor that knows which days we'll all be in our PJ's past noon and the house will be in a dreadful mess? Those days she always pops by to say Hi without fail. She never ever comments about the unpresentable state of my children, myself and my home but still I feel thoroughly deeply ashamed!

She's the only person I know who came through major surgery and chemotherapy looking incredible and almost sickeningly ten whole years younger!

She is a miracle worker with preschool kids, I mean truly amazing, when I was working in Relief Society we were having an enrichment evening on teaching our children to be reverent in Sacrament meeting, we decided to incorporate a panel of seasoned mothers who could offer us more clueless new-ish mothers advice and ideas. One of the other Relief Society leaders said 'we obviously have to have Deb, she's the only person I know who can simply entertain a child with just two fingers', so so true! My kids are vastly more entertained by Grandma than by me. She seriously has a gift which I wish was somehow marketable so that we could all cash in on it!

She has had six whopping babies (even more amazing considering she's the same size I was as a 9 year old, she's teeny tiny) but maintains the body of a teenager.

Amazing, right?

Well they're not even the most amazing things.

The woman has self control beyond belief. She can open a bag of chocolates and eat just one and never give the bag another thought. (I on the other hand had never considered before I knew Deb that there was an alternative to opening a bag of chocolates and devouring the entire contents immediately), she can eat half a small packet of crisps (like once a decade) and happily leave the other half for another day. She makes us the most delicious calorific desserts every Sunday and has a one calorie yogurt herself instead, but if she's feeling crazy she'll go all out and have a polystyrene-like rice cake too. She limits herself to one cream cake a year and contentedly sticks to it. If I made that goal I'd forever long for cream cakes and probably go so far as to dream about them repeatedly. The difference between Deb and I? (apart from the cleaning of course,which goes without saying) I have zero self control!

Well I do have some self control obviously, when it comes to most things I am fully capable of controlling myself. When it comes to food? I am not. I was a chubby little kid but then one delightful morning aged eleven I woke up thirty inches bigger than when I went to bed and the chub has thankfully never ever caught up. Thanks to a super zippy metabolism I have spent the last twenty years eating whatever I like without having to give it a single second thought. I remember frequently as a missionary for my church tucking into half a 'Sara Lee Chocolate Gateau' with a very generous splash of fresh cream for lunch (remember that Heidi?). I have thoroughly enjoyed myself I'll have you know.

I hear vicious rumours that in your 30's your metabolism slows down incredibly.

I'm hoping it's either completely untrue or that I grow another thirty inches overnight because my self control just can't be depended on.