No Self Control

My Mother in law is amazing. (I'm not saying she's perfect, she is after all a mother in law and they're supposed to be flawed, right?) Debbie is the only person I know who dedicates a whole day a week (even when she had little kids to contend with) to immaculately cleaning her house from top to bottom and actually enjoys it. Did I mention she has a sensor that knows which days we'll all be in our PJ's past noon and the house will be in a dreadful mess? Those days she always pops by to say Hi without fail. She never ever comments about the unpresentable state of my children, myself and my home but still I feel thoroughly deeply ashamed!

She's the only person I know who came through major surgery and chemotherapy looking incredible and almost sickeningly ten whole years younger!

She is a miracle worker with preschool kids, I mean truly amazing, when I was working in Relief Society we were having an enrichment evening on teaching our children to be reverent in Sacrament meeting, we decided to incorporate a panel of seasoned mothers who could offer us more clueless new-ish mothers advice and ideas. One of the other Relief Society leaders said 'we obviously have to have Deb, she's the only person I know who can simply entertain a child with just two fingers', so so true! My kids are vastly more entertained by Grandma than by me. She seriously has a gift which I wish was somehow marketable so that we could all cash in on it!

She has had six whopping babies (even more amazing considering she's the same size I was as a 9 year old, she's teeny tiny) but maintains the body of a teenager.

Amazing, right?

Well they're not even the most amazing things.

The woman has self control beyond belief. She can open a bag of chocolates and eat just one and never give the bag another thought. (I on the other hand had never considered before I knew Deb that there was an alternative to opening a bag of chocolates and devouring the entire contents immediately), she can eat half a small packet of crisps (like once a decade) and happily leave the other half for another day. She makes us the most delicious calorific desserts every Sunday and has a one calorie yogurt herself instead, but if she's feeling crazy she'll go all out and have a polystyrene-like rice cake too. She limits herself to one cream cake a year and contentedly sticks to it. If I made that goal I'd forever long for cream cakes and probably go so far as to dream about them repeatedly. The difference between Deb and I? (apart from the cleaning of course,which goes without saying) I have zero self control!

Well I do have some self control obviously, when it comes to most things I am fully capable of controlling myself. When it comes to food? I am not. I was a chubby little kid but then one delightful morning aged eleven I woke up thirty inches bigger than when I went to bed and the chub has thankfully never ever caught up. Thanks to a super zippy metabolism I have spent the last twenty years eating whatever I like without having to give it a single second thought. I remember frequently as a missionary for my church tucking into half a 'Sara Lee Chocolate Gateau' with a very generous splash of fresh cream for lunch (remember that Heidi?). I have thoroughly enjoyed myself I'll have you know.

I hear vicious rumours that in your 30's your metabolism slows down incredibly.

I'm hoping it's either completely untrue or that I grow another thirty inches overnight because my self control just can't be depended on.