Unwanted Attention

On July 10th my blog received an unusually high amount of visits. Of course I quickly came to the realisation that word had finally got out that my blog is truly brilliant. (About time too!)

Then I came to my senses.

Then I thought it must simply be because my new pal Wendi who thinks I'm 'cool' (I'm really not I assure you!) had linked my blog from hers (Cheers Wendi!) and she is supremely popular in Blogland so obviously the masses (very slight exaggeration) would follow.

Turns out Wendi wasn't responsible.

Later I noticed one of my favourite people in the whole wide world, Heidi, had linked my blog from hers too. Heidi and I were missionary companions 10 years ago in Birmingham and I have the fondest memories of the 3ish months we spent together 24/7. Hailing from Las Vegas I was her very first companion and I really do have to applaud myself for the excellent job I made of Anglicising her. Her personality is the perfect combination of sarcasm and the ability to laugh at the misfortune of others to perfectly compliment my own. In response to my belated 4th of July post she did a British version so go check that out so you can see from an American perspective all that is good about England.

To my surprise it turned out Heidi wasn't responsible either.

I started to wonder if maybe my first instinct was actually correct and the world had simply just come to the conclusion that my blog is terrific.

Then I came to my senses again.

Finally I remembered something my friend Rachael had told me about and so I went to check out Google Analytics.

This is what I learned, if you put the words b00bs (notice I'm using zero's there not O's and will always do so from now on I assure you) in a post as I had on the July 9th you're gonna attract a lot of visits to your blog.

Google had a super busy day that day directing people looking for the following:

Abbie Hawkins b00bs,
b00bs,
Abbie Hawkins b00b,
Big b00b blogger,
34FF bra,
Abbie Hawkins,
Abbie Hawkins big b00bies,
Abbie Hawkins bra 34FF b00bs,
Big b00bed Abbie Hawkins,
Big b00bs,
B00b check,
Hawkins 34FF big b00bs,
and finally,
How big is 34FF bra,

Do you know what is really incredibly sad? Not one person googled to see how the bat was doing.

That poor unfortunate bat squished in the padding of a humongous bra cup for 5 hours and nobody in the world cared enough to google about its well being. What kind of world do we live in?

So it would seem that Abbie Hawkins (and yes she is blond) is an international superstar because I got hits from Saudi Arabia to Finland and Hong Kong to Germany.

I can only imagine the calibre of individual who would out of intrigue (and no doubt seeking photographic evidence) google her bra size.

I can only laugh when I consider how ultra disappointed they must have been when they arrived right here.

Where the only b00bs on show belong to preschool boys.

And if they were foolish enough to scroll down in their search they would have been faced with Poop art!

Mwahahahahaha! That'll teach them.