Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Unwanted Attention

On July 10th my blog received an unusually high amount of visits. Of course I quickly came to the realisation that word had finally got out that my blog is truly brilliant. (About time too!)

Then I came to my senses.

Then I thought it must simply be because my new pal Wendi who thinks I'm 'cool' (I'm really not I assure you!) had linked my blog from hers (Cheers Wendi!) and she is supremely popular in Blogland so obviously the masses (very slight exaggeration) would follow.

Turns out Wendi wasn't responsible.

Later I noticed one of my favourite people in the whole wide world, Heidi, had linked my blog from hers too. Heidi and I were missionary companions 10 years ago in Birmingham and I have the fondest memories of the 3ish months we spent together 24/7. Hailing from Las Vegas I was her very first companion and I really do have to applaud myself for the excellent job I made of Anglicising her. Her personality is the perfect combination of sarcasm and the ability to laugh at the misfortune of others to perfectly compliment my own. In response to my belated 4th of July post she did a British version so go check that out so you can see from an American perspective all that is good about England.

To my surprise it turned out Heidi wasn't responsible either.

I started to wonder if maybe my first instinct was actually correct and the world had simply just come to the conclusion that my blog is terrific.

Then I came to my senses again.

Finally I remembered something my friend Rachael had told me about and so I went to check out Google Analytics.

This is what I learned, if you put the words b00bs (notice I'm using zero's there not O's and will always do so from now on I assure you) in a post as I had on the July 9th you're gonna attract a lot of visits to your blog.

Google had a super busy day that day directing people looking for the following:

Abbie Hawkins b00bs,
Abbie Hawkins b00b,
Big b00b blogger,
34FF bra,
Abbie Hawkins,
Abbie Hawkins big b00bies,
Abbie Hawkins bra 34FF b00bs,
Big b00bed Abbie Hawkins,
Big b00bs,
B00b check,
Hawkins 34FF big b00bs,
and finally,
How big is 34FF bra,

Do you know what is really incredibly sad? Not one person googled to see how the bat was doing.

That poor unfortunate bat squished in the padding of a humongous bra cup for 5 hours and nobody in the world cared enough to google about its well being. What kind of world do we live in?

So it would seem that Abbie Hawkins (and yes she is blond) is an international superstar because I got hits from Saudi Arabia to Finland and Hong Kong to Germany.

I can only imagine the calibre of individual who would out of intrigue (and no doubt seeking photographic evidence) google her bra size.

I can only laugh when I consider how ultra disappointed they must have been when they arrived right here.

Where the only b00bs on show belong to preschool boys.

And if they were foolish enough to scroll down in their search they would have been faced with Poop art!

Mwahahahahaha! That'll teach them.

24 lovely comments:

Wendi said...

I will be sure to use the 0's instead of the o's when refering to b0s0ms.
I would also encourage you to use the terms "nekkid" and "hawt".
They will help cut down on unwanted traffic.
If you haven't already...go back and change those words on that post...NOW!
Oh, hey thanks for the link... I am sure my traffice just increased exponentially!!!

Dana said...

Wow, that's funny. At first I was thinking it was because of your ultra cool (and-I-want-one-too) award. Don't tell me you don't know about it.

Krystyn said...

I bet they were seriously disappointed, right....and could have cared less about the bat..isn't that sad?

I've got to figure out the google analyst thing. I'm super curious. Could you clue me in?

Jodi said...

Thanks for stopping by and your sweet comments!

So are you saying that all those people that commented on your post that day actually googled those things? I checked out some of your comments and I expected to find a bunch of nasty men or something! They mostly looked like nice mommies like us! That is freaky! Who would have guessed?? I guess if we want more traffic now we know how to get it! lol And I too am curious to know what google analytics is. Clue me in too!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Big Boobs will get the boys everytime ;)

Simply Shannon said...

That is too awesome for words! Those perverts sure stepped in it didn't they?!

Lauren W said...

Ok, so that's really sad to me that you had such a noticable increase in activity for the mere fact that you mentioned the big boob bat story on your blog.
On a seperate note, what I really want to know is how on earth a baby bat got in her bra, how she didn't notice, and what happened to the momma bat?
Anyway, have a happy day!

Heidi said...

I love it--and b00bs is the best word ever. If you've got to Google for something, it might as well be b00bs.

Jen said...

This is too funny! So now I know what I need to do to up my traffic--hehehe..just kidding!

Shannon said...

Oh boy, I never thought of that. There are a number of choice words I should probably edit out of my blog or I never know what weirdos will show up. Yikes.

I liked your philosophy that it was b/c your blog is simply brilliant :-)

3boys247 said...

That is funny. I will be more careful in my posts also. Thanks for the warning!

Beth said...

I'm surprised you didn't get more hits for 'poop art' come on people. (B00bs, I was so tempted to write the real thing!)

Elizabeth said...

this is hilarious! i'll have to keep that in mind. :-)

thanks for stopping by my blog last week...it's great to meet othe bloggers out there...SO FUN! :-) hope you come back again...I will!

4funboys said...


thanks for the laugh..

jOni lAnE said...

That is too funny! Talk about "unwanted". The increase in traffic would be nice, although I would much prefer a "different" type of crowd. Happy POW!

Darleen said...

that is too funny....the pervs that are out there!! LOL!

Auds at Barking Mad said...

That's too funny.

I love Google analytics. I have this list I've been keeping for a couple of months now when I got back in and see that people his the homestead via a Google search. Some of the stuff is truly strange, sorta scary and some is downright amusing.

One of these says I'm going to have to post the list with my own commentary.

Susan said...

Too funny!
Thanks for stopping by my blog.

The White House said...

Oh my! thanks for the p0inters on increasing traffic.

Anonymous said...

That was funny! BTW, how's the bat?

Mamasphere said...

When I read your first story, I was so worried about that poor bat, but I never thought to google to see if it was okay!

I must not be writing the right combination of words, because I've used the word boobs quite a few times with no extra hits! I'll have to work on that.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

I've been wondering how to drive more traffic to my blog.

Thanks for the tip! ;)

McMommy said...

Ok, now I need to know WHO IS ABBIE HAWKINS and what is so great about her b00bs?!?

If my google search brings me back to your bat, I will die laughing!!!

happy pow, carol!!

Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) said...

Seriously - I'm with Beth! Drive more traffic to your blog however you must! You'll end up with some interesting search keywords and phrases that you can use for a great post with your own follow up commentary! You know it - you rock the blogosphere!