Parenting With an Iron fist.

I like to follow things through to the letter. I read books and apply them exactly as directed. Therefore when I read Supernanny's book I followed her instructions and started that naughty spot technique at 2.5 years. Her reasoning that before that a child doesn't understand cause and effect so it is a pointless exercise.

Then I experienced yesterday. Eli bit a six year old at the playgym. In his defence she was in the under 3's area and she did push him. But in her defence that child is an animal. So I got to face apologising to another parent. This one was a tad more white trash so wasn't really even that bothered (such a relief!). She seemed more upset that her child's cries had made her have to vacate her very comfy chair.

While I was cooking dinner he bit Thomas (again!) and I remembered that my dear friend and esteemed mummy Heidi had said she puts her kids on the naughty spot from 18 months (she's hardcore like that). So I decided to follow her rather splendid example and do the same. (After all what does that Supernanny know? She doesn't even have children!) So he sat and felt sorry for himself for 90 seconds. I went through the whole process like a pro, frankly because I am a pro! I got to the part where afterwards I explain why he was put on the naughty spot and demand an apology.

Me:"So what do you say???"

Eli (Hopefully):"Please?"

I had just demanded an apology from a child who hasn't even mastered saying the word sorry in his 21 months. A parenting low point.

Did I feel bad? Yes.

Would I do it again? Yes indeed, probably today.

Penguin Junkie

This is Gee-Gee (that is Eli language for penguin). My mum gave Eli Gee-Gee number one not long after he was born. A freebie courtesy of those lovely people at 'Comfort' at the time of the release of 'Happy Feet' at the cinema. Eli took a liking to his little buddy straight away. Gee-Gee went everywhere Eli did. When he crawled he carried Gee-Gee by putting his leathery beak in his mouth and clasping it with his teeth, which also enabled him some hands free playtime. When he was tired he rubbed Gee-Gee's beak on his face beside his nose and under his eye. My mum saw how attached he was to his penguin pal so called the nice people at 'Comfort' and requested another freebie. So, then there were two. Which meant Gee-Gee number one could have a long overdue bath (saliva takes it's toll eventually) in the washing machine while his owner looked on with grave concern whilst clutching Gee-Gee number two! After we had two they just kept coming, ladies at church gave them to him and soon we had a waddle (Thank you Wikipedia!) of penguins in our home. Occasionally we'd lose one and I've have to go back to the supermarket and ask if anyone had handed in a diseased looking penguin. Eventually I realised if I let him take the scabbiest looking one out in public and we lost it we still had a plethora of them back at home so no big deal.Then one day my mum came with this Gee-Gee, this one was a freebie from those lovely people at 'Persil' when Happy Feet was released. This one was far cuter so my mum had initially kept it for herself (selfish I know!). Before long Eli realised the benefits of a fuller figured Gee-Gee and now vastly prefers this one and his identical twin which was also kindly donated to our penguin refuge.
This is our waddle of penguins. Several are currently MIA, which means I left them at Tesco or at Church or really just about anywhere, but think five is sufficient for any household.
One boy and his Gee-Gee! When he's tired he asks for Gee-Gee, when he's upset he asks for Gee-Gee. Thomas did adopt a disgusting looking bear for about 3 hours and called it his Goo-Goo, thank goodness it never continued.
At bedtime he sleeps with them all. He likes best to fall asleep with them all on his face whilst making a noise that I can only describe as pure ecstasy! (Please note Penguin blanket and larger but far less favourable penguin in the top left corner). When I say Junkie I mean it!
When you're one of Eli's favourite people you get the added bonus of 'Gee-Gee love' this is where he makes you hold Gee-Gee by his beak in your mouth and then he leans on the penguin and moans. It is a tad disturbing and I'm not particularly thrilled to have to put a penguins beak in my mouth that has been in several other peoples mouths! But that's the price you pay for being one of the penguin junkie's favourite people!

Welcome, Weekend!

Eli has recently developed a fascination with his nappy and it's contents. He does have the XY chromosome combination so it's only to be expected! I feel like I spend most of my time saying "Eli get your hand out of your butt, now!" (We're bilingual in our home, we like to freely use words from both English and American English vocabularies!) He usually declines. Unless we're in public, he seems to get that the general public do not want to see a 21 month old scratching his backside all the live long day.

I was busy preparing dinner and letting the boys watch 'Max and Ruby' in hope that they'd get so engrossed they'd leave me to cook in peace. The kitchen and living room are essentially the same room so I can keep a watchful eye on them no problem. Well usually I can.

I hear Thomas ask, "Mum, what's that!?"

I'm in the throws of serving up dinner and as I glance around I see Eli rubbing something brown into the laminate floor (hooray for no carpet!). My first thought is chocolate, maybe out of hope or naivete or simply because I'm not above bribing them with chocolate to get a window of opportunity to gets things done. Obviously it wasn't chocolate, it was indeed Poo!! Total appetite killer by the way. Yippee for that lovely husband of mine who came to the rescue and cleaned the kid up as he chanted over and over "Bye, bye Poo!"

That is exactly why I welcome the weekend so merrily cos for the next 48-ish hours I have my fellow team mate on board! Even better tomorrow we get to attend a wedding without any kids. So no filling my bag with books and bribes and wrestling with kids. Instead I actually get time with Rob on our own (well with 100+ other people because it is after all a wedding, but still!), once again welcome to the weekend and here's to hoping that Eli doesn't do the same at Grandma's house tomorrow!

Naughty Spot

I am a big fan of that Supernanny lady. Considering she's never actually been a parent I think it's genius what this lady knows about raising kids.

I love watching her show for 2 reasons:

1. I never fail to feel like I deserve a parenting award after watching the parenting efforts of those people happily parading their failures.


2. It gives me an immense amount of pleasure to know that even on their very worst behaviour my kids are better behaved than those peoples kids on their best behaviour. (I actually think I deserve an award for that too!)

I also love how glossy the US version is compared to the UK version. They certainly make having hellish kids look a lot more glam across the Atlantic ocean. Here it appears more miserable with plenty more swearing from both parents and children. (Did I mention how proud I am of being British? Thought not!)

I am a huge enforcer of the Naughty Step technique, except we live in a bungalow so we have a designated naughty spot instead. (Thanks again Jo-Jo!) It's amazing the clarity a three year old can gain from 3 minutes spent in the naughty place.

Eli at 21 Months is envious of Thomas' naughty spot experiences and frequently takes himself off to sit on it whenever he gets told off. I'm sure when I'm the one putting the little monkey there he won't be nearly so keen. But, I'm sure he'll get used to it due to the fact that I'm convinced he'll be a far more frequent visitor than his older brother.

Eli's favourite naughty spot pass time is to take toys and sit close by to Thomas, just to make the punishment a little more bitter. Or else he just tries to sit on Thomas while he's doing his time, usually doing a cry of total mockery. Eli is nice like that!

Yesterday Thomas was playing with a toy Hippo that has a lever that opens the jaws. Rob is accustomed to whipping the boys into a total frenzy by chasing them with the Hippo who bites them. So, the Hippo hurt him (well actually he hurt himself because he was after all controlling the Hippo), when he complained I said 'Naughty Hippo!'

Then it happened....

"I put you on naughty spot because you naughty, you bit me you naughty hippo and thats naughty"

I figured he'd lose interest and go play with one of the other gazillion toys in his room. He didn't. He waited. He played out the whole naughty spot process perfectly. Glad to see I have raised a Hippo disciplinarian. The reprimanded hippo even had to say sorry and give Thomas a kiss before he was promptly warned if he did it again he'd go back to the naughty spot right away. Then he was discarded in favour of some other toy. Which is where my naughty spot technique and his differ I promise!

The Bad Parenting Chronicles: Part 2

I may be weird but I really really love grocery shopping, particularly alone.

I enjoy it with one child in tow.

I abhor it with both kids.

We have those shopping trolleys with two seats at the front so both of my boys could fit in. I realised long ago that I could avoid the wrestling bouts that inevitably led to at least one but usually two crying kids if I let Eli ride up front and put Thomas in the trolley with the food. Obviously it means that all my groceries are squashed beyond repair but it makes for a more peaceful shopping experience overall so I'm willing to live with the mishapen food. I'm all about sacrifice!

In September Thomas started playgroup three (bliss-filled) mornings a week. This was my window of opportunity to have a somewhat peaceful weekly visit to the supermarket with just Eli. Who is generally spellbound by the huge selection of food (the kids loves food!) surrounding him anyway.

Sadly playgroup isn't open 52 weeks a year so unfortunately I recently had to go shopping with both boys. I reverted to my old habits of putting Eli up front and Thomas in with the food, sadly my tactic no longer worked. Thomas realised that he could torment Eli all he liked and Eli was confined and unable to defend himself. He poked, pushed, tickled (a tickle from a 3 year old is purely painful by the way) and grabbed poor Eli over and over and over.

After several threats of, "If you don't leave your brother alone I will get you out and make you walk alongside me!" (Which he'd hate, the kid got my lazy gene!) I hear a big scream from Thomas. Turns out he poked his younger sibling one too many times in the mouth and this time Eli clamped onto that finger and certainly planned not to let go for the forseeable future. Everyone has their limits I guess.

I removed his finger from Eli's jaw and explained that it was his own fault for annoying Eli incessantly despite me telling him not to. That if he'd only listened to Mummy (because obviously I am always right!) and been good it never would have happened. So I took my still whimpering child from the trolley and made him walk alongside me as previously threatened.

"Ouch!!!!!!!"(followed by ultra loud wailing and hysteria)

(Slightly confused)"What's wrong Thomas?"

"You bit me Mummy, I want Daddy, I want Daddy, I want DAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDY!" (X what felt like 40 times!)

"Mummy did not bite you Thomas, Eli bit you because you poked him in his mouth" (Just loud enough for those giving me accusing looks to hear).

Here I was again being embarrassed in public for something I hadn't even done. Obviously he cried and yelled for daddy for the duration of the shopping trip. Well, right until I asked him to help me like a big boy at the check out to put all the groceries on the conveyer belt. Where he threw a glass jar of pasta sauce at the conveyer belt but missed completely. Hitting the floor instead, where it smashed spectacularly, covering the groceries, Thomas, Eli, the check out lady and myself in tomato and garlic sauce.

Never ever, ever again will I take them both. I'd actually rather go without food than endure that again. Now I plan on spacing out all of my future children so I only ever have to go to the supermarket with one child accompanying me.