The Bad Parenting Chronicles: Part 2

I may be weird but I really really love grocery shopping, particularly alone.

I enjoy it with one child in tow.

I abhor it with both kids.

We have those shopping trolleys with two seats at the front so both of my boys could fit in. I realised long ago that I could avoid the wrestling bouts that inevitably led to at least one but usually two crying kids if I let Eli ride up front and put Thomas in the trolley with the food. Obviously it means that all my groceries are squashed beyond repair but it makes for a more peaceful shopping experience overall so I'm willing to live with the mishapen food. I'm all about sacrifice!

In September Thomas started playgroup three (bliss-filled) mornings a week. This was my window of opportunity to have a somewhat peaceful weekly visit to the supermarket with just Eli. Who is generally spellbound by the huge selection of food (the kids loves food!) surrounding him anyway.

Sadly playgroup isn't open 52 weeks a year so unfortunately I recently had to go shopping with both boys. I reverted to my old habits of putting Eli up front and Thomas in with the food, sadly my tactic no longer worked. Thomas realised that he could torment Eli all he liked and Eli was confined and unable to defend himself. He poked, pushed, tickled (a tickle from a 3 year old is purely painful by the way) and grabbed poor Eli over and over and over.

After several threats of, "If you don't leave your brother alone I will get you out and make you walk alongside me!" (Which he'd hate, the kid got my lazy gene!) I hear a big scream from Thomas. Turns out he poked his younger sibling one too many times in the mouth and this time Eli clamped onto that finger and certainly planned not to let go for the forseeable future. Everyone has their limits I guess.

I removed his finger from Eli's jaw and explained that it was his own fault for annoying Eli incessantly despite me telling him not to. That if he'd only listened to Mummy (because obviously I am always right!) and been good it never would have happened. So I took my still whimpering child from the trolley and made him walk alongside me as previously threatened.

"Ouch!!!!!!!"(followed by ultra loud wailing and hysteria)

(Slightly confused)"What's wrong Thomas?"

"You bit me Mummy, I want Daddy, I want Daddy, I want DAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDY!" (X what felt like 40 times!)

"Mummy did not bite you Thomas, Eli bit you because you poked him in his mouth" (Just loud enough for those giving me accusing looks to hear).

Here I was again being embarrassed in public for something I hadn't even done. Obviously he cried and yelled for daddy for the duration of the shopping trip. Well, right until I asked him to help me like a big boy at the check out to put all the groceries on the conveyer belt. Where he threw a glass jar of pasta sauce at the conveyer belt but missed completely. Hitting the floor instead, where it smashed spectacularly, covering the groceries, Thomas, Eli, the check out lady and myself in tomato and garlic sauce.

Never ever, ever again will I take them both. I'd actually rather go without food than endure that again. Now I plan on spacing out all of my future children so I only ever have to go to the supermarket with one child accompanying me.