Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Cry Me a River.....

I never cried at 'Ghost',
I never cried at 'Titanic' (Rob wishes he could say the same!),
I never cried at 'Pay it Forward',
I never cried at 'Beaches',
I never cried at 'It's a wonderful life',
I never cried at 'Bambi',
I never cried at 'City of Angels',
I never cried at 'Saving Private Ryan' or 'We Were Soldiers',
I never cried at 'Homeward Bound' (which I'll have you know is incredibly sad, they totally lead you on to think the old faithful family dog is dead in a ditch, SO harsh!),
I almost cried at 'Step-Mom' (just when the mum is dying and the little boy says 'No-one loves you like me!' that touched me very deeply, but not deeply enough to cry.),

The reason for this lack of crying is two-fold:

Firstly, throughout my life I have always had in my company the type of friend who can cry about anything. Like my friend (she knows who she is!) who cried at 'Ten things I hate about you' and whenever someone leaves 'Neighbours'. I generally get so distracted by their emotional outpourings that I feel the need to relentlessly mock them and all emotions pass me by.

Secondly, I am dead inside. I just won't allow myself to cry at films. Mostly they're fictional and the ones that aren't just stun me beyond the point of crying or I'm too busy mocking and giggling at previously mentioned ultra weepy friend.

I'll freely admit the second time I watched Beaches I tried so hard to cry. It is a really sad film after all. Practically lifelong friends parted by an untimely early death. That is emotional hardcore at it's best. I sat there and tried to imagine how I'd feel if one of my closest friends died and I was left to raise her child all alone. I got as far as welling up with tears but I couldn't force a single one out so I ate an entire family sized bar of chocolate instead, which was far more satisfying I have to admit.

See, I'm dead inside!

Well, at least I used to be. Then I became a Mother. Something in my emotional make-up went on overload. I remember when Thomas came out of the special care baby unit and had his first night in my room with me. I was watching ER on my hospital monitor and I ER!! (Now in my defence the plot line was this loopy mother who had mental issues and imagined someone was breaking into her apartment to kill her and her two kids so she just threw her kids out of the 10th story window to save them, it doesn't paint a pretty picture does it?) I had just had a baby three days previous so I decided it was justifiable to blame it on the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy, birth and post partum.

Three years on I wish I could say it was a one-off but I now catch myself crying at Reality TV (but in my defence it was at 'Britain's got talent' and the 13 year old boy who had been bullied for years for singing and went on to sing 'Pie Jesu' with the voice of a complete angel!), I'll shed a tear or two at any remotely sad movie, I even found myself holding back the tears watching the seven 3 year olds in primary at church sing 'I am a child of God'.

Needless to say I won't be watching 'Homeward Bound', 'Beaches' or 'Step-Mom' anytime soon.

6 lovely comments:

The Limbys said...

Carol, Carol, Carol, I recall you shedding a few tears some 10 years ago when it was time for me to leave England. I allways assumed they were tears of sadness, who knows maybe they were tears of joy.

Dana said...

This is so true. I was like you and never cried. Now I cry whan watching picture slideshows if they have the right music. And of coure tv and movies. I guess being a mother gives you new perspective.

Heidi said...

You are heartless, wench.

I remember crying at the video they made me watch at the hospital that warned against shaken baby syndrome. That was a new low. . .

Jill said...

Well at least you used to be dead inside....I've always been a bit of a cryer...yes, even commercials sometimes. I wish I weren't-and I cried at the same ER episode and I wasn't in the early stages of post-partum depression! Your kids will appreciate that attribute about you someday. And I've found it does come in handy when you're trying to show your 6 year old that she really did hurt your feelings when you found the note in her backpack that said, "i hat mom" which really meant I hate mom. Yes, go through that with no tears!!! (we've since reconciled by the way. I am her friend today....oh the joy of daughters!)

Stephanie Cunningham said...

Okay...I'm with you on this. I cried this morning during Sleeping Beauty. It was just so beautiful how Philip goes to all lengths to save the beautiful Princess Aurora...I've never been a big crier during movies either. Bah! Mommy emotions!

Cami said...

You're so funny! I can definitely tell I'm pregnant, because I'm like you, I'm not a big crier at movies. Except when I'm pregnant, I find myself crying at commercials these days.