Thursday, 12 June 2008

Desperately Seeking Truth

The Blogging strike is now officially over!

It is time to finally put the naughty spot behind us (but I hope you all learned a very valuable lesson!!) or else we may just have to do it all over again. Rob was away in Scotland most of this week with work (and sadly where Rob goes the laptop must surely follow) so my blogging strike was inevitable but I figured I'd use it to my advantage by sending you all on a little guilt trip. You gotta love guilt, it is such a motivator! I know as a parent I feel guilty pretty much constantly about one thing or another and it really keeps me going.

You know when we had Thomas lots of our close friends were having first babies right around the same time so obviously our second babies followed a similar pattern also. My friend Lisa and I who were both pregnant with our second child (Lisa's were 12 months apart and mine 16 months) were chatting about the daunting prospect of juggling two really small children. I passed comment on another couple at church who had in recent months welcomed a second child into their home (18 months apart) and appeared to be coping fantastically well, taking the transition in their stride. We both felt happily reassured that it can't be as difficult as we were imagining and that we were just being dramatic. We were pregnant after all.

Reassurance came to a sudden and ferocious halt when I relayed this conversation to the father who had just welcomed a second son into their home. I explained how we had felt reassured when we realised how easy the transition had been for them.

Then he said this (which isn't anything like what he said at all but it is my interpretation and how I heard it at the time),

"It is not an easy transition at all, it is the most impossibly hard thing we have ever encountered, we don't know if we're coming or going or even what day of the week it is. Take all your fears about having two children to care for at once and multiply it by a trillion and you might be somewhere near reality"

Me (hopefully) "But you make it appear so easy?!"

"Of course we do we don't want people thinking we're terrible parents who can't cope."

Obviously I spiralled into a frenzy of total panic that resulted in me having two kids, wearing PJ's 24/7 and not showering nearly often enough for months on end. Long gone where the blissful days of napping when my baby napped and having free time and I desperately wanted them back.

With our 'baby' recently turning two and frequent showers firmly back on my agenda at last it is time to seriously consider adding another to our family. But 3 just seems like a lot of kids. I know plenty of you have had 3 and survived so come on voice of experience how bad is it? Seriously!

In the mean time I'll dig out the PJ's and heavy duty deodorant for when the time comes just in case.

12 lovely comments:

McMommy said...

I'm leaving my comment so I don't get put in the naughty spot!!!

Actually, how could I NOT leave a comment after that post??? I LOVED IT!!

The whole part about "it is the most impossibly hard thing we have ever encountered..."?? Could you hear me screaming YES!!!! IT'S SO TRUE!!! ALL OF IT!!

However...right about now...I might be starting to see the light at the end of tunnel. My oldest is starting school and my youngest (16 months) is actually at a cool age where we don't need diaper bags and all the baby "stuff" anymore.

And I am finally showering on a regular basis again.

Life is good!!

Megan said...

I have to totally agree! It is so hard having them so close together. I keep telling myself that they will be such good friend, which could still happen, if they would just stop picking on each other. Of course my boys are 19 months apart, I can't imagine 18 months or less!

Katie said...

I may not be of any help but three children has been way easier for me than two. I know this might sound mental but it is the truth.

I was so use to going everywhere, whenever I wanted to with my first. When two came and I was confined to my house (the thought of going anywhere by myself frightened me to death) I seriously thought I might loose it. Then you learn to cope and get things under control. So three was just adding a little more craziness to the mix but not unmanageable. Granted my laundry is still suffering to this day (17months later) but I'm doing way better with three than two. The small spell of postpartum depression with number was probably a contributing factor as well.

Sorry for the rambling... but good luck!

Melissa said...

No words of advice here Carol, as I'm going through the addition of the second child and can not even imagine adding a third to the mix at the moment! If we have another kid, Kingston is going to be about 4 years old, if I can help it! ;)

I have a close friend who is getting ready to have her third baby in the fall, and she's petrified of how hard it's going to be! I'm not envying her at all right now!

Shannon said...

you crack me up...but probably because I haven't had to face that particular reality!

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

Three was really tough. To be very honest! Everyone told me three was a breeze, but they LIED!

I have loved it more than any of the other times I've babies; I cherish her more, (Sounds horrible, doesn't it!) and I am WAY more relaxed this time around. But WHOA did it ever kick my butt. I was totally unprepared for the amount of work it was going to involve.

I say go for it - it's truly wonderful! You will never, ever regret it. Just know that your workload and exhaustion will be magnified incredibly! :)

-Andrea

3boys247 said...

Sorry to tell you that the transition from two to three was difficult. At least for us.

For one thing, we were outnumbered, even if someone takes a child with them on an errand the other parent still had two.

Secondly, 3 kids playing together isn't as ideal as 4 or 2, someone is usually odd man out. We gave a lot of thought to having a fourth for just this reason, after all we were already outnumbered.

On the bright side (and yes there is one) when they all play together it is wonderful. When the ten year old lets the three year old hang out and play legos, my heart melts. When the 7 year old reads to the three year old, he becomes my hero. And when all three decide to have a sleepover in one of their rooms, well that is just adorable.

So yes, the transition is difficult but WORTH IT!

Jill said...

Okay-you're going to get a biased opinion now. I LOVE having 4! My two girls are 17 months apart. And I remember when the second came along, thinking, really, it's not that bad! I think the trick is to space the third out a bit so the older ones are more independent. Our third came 2 1/2 years later, (potty trained, already in the nursery, had a playmate) so it was a fairly easy transition. Then number 4 (SURPRISE!) came 19 months later. At the time I thought I was going to lose it! But now, she's 10 months old and things are going great. I too am facing potty training the two year old boy....NOT EXCITING! However, I rarely have to have play dates, because my kids just play with and torture each other.

GO FOR THE THIRD! You will be surprised with what you can handle.

:)
Jill

Heidi said...

You can do it. And sure, you'll be in pajamas and not showering for a while, but it will pass.

Like in three years.

Beth said...

Hey, thanks for the blog visit. I totally have to agree with a previous comment, three has got to be easier than two. It's that playmate thang that helps.

We don't have three yet, but in watching four kids most days, I know that you just make it work.

You are a wordsmith by the way, so well written, I'm envious!

The Limbys said...

When we had our third I did find it hard but only at first. But after a few weeks you figure it out and it just seems like you've always done it. I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

AMY said...

Ummm...all I can say about three kids, is CHAOS...insanity, non-functionality...need I say more...

But then again, your kids sleep through the night early, so if you get a good baby it may be a piece of cake for you. If it is, please don't tell me, I do not want to know!