Monday, 1 September 2008

The Booker Prize? Not So Much

Well this is the place to be today if you're looking for a recommendation or two. That is of course if you're all finished with the Twilight saga because apparently I am the only human being on God's green earth who hasn't succumbed (yet!) to the literary talents of that Stephanie Meyer woman.

So this is what you really should be reading....

1. Because you never know when your shopping cart ID skills may come in handy. They'll be begging for you on CSI with your newly acquired skills for sure.
2. Because it is always wise to be prepared
3. Because apparently they're not happy with us eating their relatives
4. Because it's cheaper and less scary than a boob job (I can only assume this must be endorsed by Victoria Beckham)
5. Because if you can learn to live with your crazy buttocks you can wave exercise bye-bye!
6. Because if someone was kind enough to write such a book we should at least be courteous and read it. (Please publishers everywhere do not make an Old Tractors and the men who love them calendar, particularly one involving any kind of nudity!)
And finally, 7. Because think of all the money you'll save on knitwear, Christmas gifts and vacuums. We are living in a credit crunch people!
So which do you want to read first? Be sure to let me know.
I can pop over to Amazon and start my Christmas shopping early.

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28 lovely comments:

Becky said...

LOL!!! Love it!! :)

Kristen said...

Well I was for sure going to comment about the boob one, but that wasn't until I saw the dog hair one. Then I KNEW which one I had to have. OH yeah, that would be the one with the practical use for the POUNDS of dog hair that I sweep up daily!! I am shaving our two labradors for sure now!

Thanks for the great labor day laugh!! :)

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

I really need to write a book--apparently they will publish anything ;)

Tom and Sarah Baker said...

So funny, these book titles made me want to laugh, cry and heave!! In response to your response to my sleep post, good grief woman 10 hours, 10 HOURS!!!!! What did you do, did you follow a schedule, please tell me you did something and that you don't just have miracle children!!! and hopefully you think my baby is really cute and not fake cute:)

Jen E said...

lmao these are for sure the strangest books i've ever seen!

But I think I'll stick with my Stephenie Meyer - thanks anyway! ;)

Candy said...

THESE. are hilarious.

Mandy said...

Awesome. I cannot decide which of these I want to read next. I need some boobs, so maybe that one. But then again, the butt one is pretty rad, too. Oh! The decisions!

Claire said...

I would like the one about the shopping trollies please. I find random shopping trollies in random places extremely comical. My favourite has to be an upturned trolley in a burn. Next to a traffic cone. Why does that make me laugh?!

Lisa said...

Dont worry... I havent succumbed yet either... my friend (who hasnt read a book since high school, and even then) was told to read twighlight and now all she talks about is the books and the OMG!!! MOVIES *SQUEEEEEEELLLLLLL******!!!
I went to the bookstore to actually buy a copy so i wouldnt feel so leftout and when i got there adn looked at it i thought, 'hmm... why spend $10.00 and buy THAT because she said so when I can spend the $10.00 and buy the Wizard of Oz type book, Wicked, that I've wanted but not wanted to spend $10.00 on.' and so Wicked it was and it was FANTASTIC.
...
Though Ive always wanted to learn to keep my tractor happy...

Susan said...

You, my dear, are hilarious!
I wonder if that boob book has a chapter on reducing the size of your boobs with your mind. (Sorry, that is more my problem.)
And don't worry I haven't succumbed to the Twilight craze either.

Krystyn said...

I just don't even know what to say!

And, I haven't read the Twilight series, either! Maybe we should start a club?

Simply Shannon said...

Oh my gosh! I so need the dog hair sweater one. I always say that I could make a whole new dog with the amount of hair I find on the floor on a weekly basis...now I know what to do with it all! And here I thought that I should just vacuum it up and put it in the garbage. What was I thinking?

Simply Shannon said...

Oh yeah, and I've never even heard of Stephanie Meyer or her book...so you're one up on me.

The Rogers Blog said...

I can't believe you've read all the twilight books. I'm on the 4th now so dont tell me anthing. I want dawnie to read them. Do you have them for her or do I need to send them. Or can she just order themoff the cheap internet place. So loving it. Its almost an addiction!!

Dana said...

Hilarious. I can't believe you found all of those. I'm thinking stray shopping carts would be a good book for me to read, since I see so many around. Not sure what I would do with the knowledge though.

Tiffany said...

People really do have way too much time on their hands! That is crazy!

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Ewwwww on knitted a sweater out of dog hair! Ick!

Aunt LoLo said...

Umm...I know of a girl who recently spun the hair her cats shed into yarn...and then knit it into...I don't remember what. (She's the wife of a childhood friend.)

'nuf said. Thing that cracks me up is that SOMEBODY bought all of those books and used them! (Except maybe the shopping cart one...but maybe if you were an exceptionally industrious 'courtesy clerk' and you liked to round up stray shopping carts on your days off.....)

Jen said...

I just love the titles! Fancy Coffins? Stray Shopping Carts? Knitting with Dog Hair? These would make great coffee table books! Can you imagine people's reactions if they came over your house for a dinner party and saw these sitting there. Too funny!

Motherhood for Dummies said...

I have always wanted to knit with dog hair! How did you know!?

Elaine A. said...

That shopping cart thing is hilarious! I totally need that.

And the dog hair thing - EWWWW!!

Wendy said...

Wow, that dog hair one is just a little too "green" for me! Thanks for the laugh!

Heather said...

These are hysterical!! I am so for NO calendars of old men and the tractors!!! LOL!!!

Pam said...

I MUST have the enlarge my breasts book! :) I love this post! Happy POW!

Kristy said...

Are those for real!!! How funny - the dog hair one really cracked me up. :) Happy Friday.

anti-supermom said...

It's hard to believe these are real, so funny~

Happy POW

JSue said...

I am thinking of bigger boobs already! Ooooh, and then I could knit a Yorkie sweater! Fun indeed!

Ha, ha!!

Wendi said...

Hysterical...thanks for the laughs this morning.